My Self-Care Journey + ways you can Self-Care

My Self-Care Journey:

I remember the first few weeks after giving birth to my daughter. I was a first-time mom and I THREW myself fully into the motherhood role. I researched everything like crazyyy. “Should babies still want to nurse right after they just ate?” “Why do babies wake up as soon as you try and do something important”. I googled everything. The crazy thing is, I’ve been studying motherhood for years now even though I just became a mom this past May 2020. It may seem like overkill, but I wanted too feel like I was prepared. Well, no one really told me that there really isn’t a manual on this whole motherhood thing. We’re all just kinda winging it or was it just me that felt that way?

So here I was, new mother, also breastfeeding and learning how to read our daughter’s cues to know when she wanted to nurse. Some days I got it right, but those first few weeks, most times I didn’t. Our daughter would cry nonstop while I scrambled trying to figure out why.

I struggle with being a perfectionist so this only made me feel like I was failing as a mother badly. All this self-doubt would come and then before I knew it, I would feel defeated. I was way too hard on myself.

Needless to say, it all began to take a huge toll on me mentally and physically. There would be days when I didn’t eat much. Not because I wasn’t hungry, but I was just so engrossed in the baby that I would forget to eat.

I was exhausted.  

I went to my 6 weeks post-partum visit and my midwife had me fill out a post-partum depression survey. Afterwards, she scored it and that’s when she told me that she felt like my score was a little high. I got real with her and told her how I had been feeling. The random bouts of crying. How some days I wouldn’t eat or drink anything til late in the afternoon because I was sooo focused on the baby. How I kept having these random anxious thoughts throughout the day.  She looked me dead in the eyes and said:

“Anita, honey, you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you want baby to be good, you gotta make sure Mama is good first”.

 Hmph. She was right.

She handed me this checklist titled “Wellness mama” and told me to go through the list to make sure I was doing most of them each day. The list had some of the most basic things on there like “Have you taken a shower today?”. There was no “have you gotten a chance to catch up on your shows on Netflix”. Just super basic things. It was then that I realized that as moms sometimes we forget to do even the most basic forms of self-care.

 I think sometimes self-care can be romanticized to be this elaborate spa day with a massage and all the bells and whistles but self-care is just as the name implies. Taking care of YOURSELF. You do not need to spend a lot of money to feel good. You’d be surprised at how many things you can do for yourself that cost very little if anything at all.

Here a few budget friendly ideas for you to self-care

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Now, don’t make this into some boring writing activity. Use your journal/meditation time as a way to be free and let go. Write down your feelings. Frustrations. Your dreams. Your goals. Write to the younger you. Write to God (my personal favorite). Script. Write whatever but just write. You may find that it really helps you to work through things in your life when you journal and write it down.

2. Yoga/exercise

I got into yoga about 4 years ago and it has become one of my favorite ways to de-stress. I don’t do anything fancy. I look up some FREE post-partum yoga videos on Youtube, grab my non- slip yoga mat, and I go to work. It never fails to relax my body and clear my mind. Oh, and you don’t even need to be super flexible but if that’s a goal of yours, yoga will definitely help. Yoga is also a great way to become more aware of your body and the different places that you tend to hold stress. Focus more on calming your thoughts and releasing tension and less on getting every pose perfect.

If yoga is just not your thing, there are so many other exercise programs that you can find and join. Most can be done in the comfort of your own home. If you don’t want to buy any type of equipment, there are plenty of workout videos that use your body weight only.

Just get moving. You will feel so much better after.

3. Baths/ Bubble baths

There’s nothing that brings out my femininity quite like a nice soak in the tub. Sometimes I’ll add some Himalayan or Dr. Teal’s epsom salt for the added benefits and other times I’ll just soak in plain water. I light some scented candles (I’ve become OBSESSED with candles) and play a jazz playlist from Youtube or on apple music. Baths help me to relax sooo much. Add a glass of Crangrape(my non-alcoholic drink of choice lol) with a squeeze of lime on ice and well, don’t bother me for the next hour.lol. You might have to get really creative when finding time to take an extended bath but I promise you will feel soo much more peaceful. Water is energy and its calming. Use its energy to connect to yourself more deeply.

4. Dress up/ Do your makeup

There’s this running joke that moms usually let themselves go after they have kids. I use to say up and down how I would never let that be me, but I have been guilty. It’s sooo easy to just forget about doing your hair/makeup or trying to look cute but trust me, it can make such a difference in your mood. I’m a big believer in “when you look good, you feel good”. No, you don’t have to have your face beat everyday (unless that’s your thing) but present yourself in a way that makes you feel like you put in the effort. So maybe that’s putting on a dress instead of wearing yoga pants (no judgment sis). Maybe you wear your favorite lipstick to compliment your outfit. If makeup isn’t your thing, wear your favorite perfume for no reason other than because it smells good to you. Whatever makes you feel like you put in some effort for you, DO IT.

These are just a few things that I do to love on myself a little while spending very little. I’ve seen a HUGE change in my mental health and I think I’m a better wife and mother because of these things as well. I hope they’ve given you some inspiration to start today to love on yourself too. Don’t be afraid to start small either. The focus isn’t necessarily on quantity but quality.

I also wanted to share that I created a Self-Care Checklist that has even more ideas and gives you some helpful accountability. I hope you find it useful and your days become more refreshed.

So, share with me, what are some ways you like to Self-Care? Leave me a comment below please. Also share this with any of your friends who may need a little push in this area. We’re all striving to be a little more kind to ourselves.

Much Love,

Anita Babalola